Our most peaceful activities have been sitting together playing with a toy that required assembly of some kind. I had no idea what this was leading to, but soon enough this sort of intention and activity is what I turn to when we drift apart, need to recover from some bad moments, unwind or celebrate holidays.
Really, any game or toy can be transformed into a medium for connectivity, it really can be that easy. Some simple principles that work are:
- relying on nonverbal behaviours to communicate
- express the need for calm and consideration to others' sensitivities and needs
- a common interest that can be accomplished by all
- desired by all; forced participation doesn't seem to lead to generalization
- intentional interactions
- sharing compassion without physical contact
- encourage downtime
We teach manners in the same manner, and whenever we are in more energetic and busy activities. Older children with autism and some adults are notorious for having attitudes, expressions, or behaviours that are not socially appropriate, offensive, or just plain rude. Teaching Please and Thank you has given our kids tools to be more socially acceptable in any mood. They still have their moments, but the goal is to express emotions and explain our challenges and behaviours as opposed to acting-out.
Everything isn't always cotton candy and rainbows however. We do our best to keep the mindfulness intact even when angry or in the presence of meltdowns. After flare-ups or arguments (we do encourage the kids to have a voice, and to respect that right in others) we always calm down and address what happened, with hopes of sorting out the issue in some way.
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