Old Habits Die Hard...but come with New Benefits.

Today we started actively exploring and 'testing out' our potential outlets for socialization this week. Something both children don't necessarily 'need' but desire. 'D' learns best through verbal communication and watching others. He loves to explore his own creativity and problem solving but independently, very shy of his skills, challenges, and gaining self-awareness. 'A' wants to be included, and is proactive in this now.

As youngsters, we frequented one outreach family program, which became as an extended family over time. The boys become so comfortable there, that I was able to develop their skills, socially and otherwise. Accessing other groups seemed more constricting, and offered more opportunities for complications, or overwhelming need for intervention. At this program, the expectations were less-demanding of both parents and children.

Since then, 'D' had been in school leaving 'A' and I more unschooling opportunities. Only today did I realize how much that has impacted 'D' being homeschooled. It has only been since January he has been home full-time. A year and a half since he was at home.

I hope to help my son re-discover his security in open expression and open learning by visiting play hubs throughout the community for little ones to school-age. His experience in an intensive educational classroom modeled after the intensive therapy center, was such a bad fit for him. The experience in that environment was not only challenging but disheartening as he witnessed friends go through it too, but being unable to help them, or be heard.

But that was then.... this is now !

These are options I am exploring, they are much the same as the playgroups we attended before but act as a launching pad into the school system. They do offer frequent drop in times, and free access to use their facilities for your own needs. Whether it be as a place outside of the home to do one-on-one work with a therapist in a social setting, or to just go and meet other little kids on a rainy day. In our case, I would like to see the boys spend more time with preschoolers, but have witnessed some major moments of growth when they interact with toddlers. Imagine, a child with a communication handicap, able to help out someone smaller than them. It's HUGE no matter who you are. Helping, and teaching is something I feel we need more of.

Rick Mercer Report

The more the boys are understanding why we follow rules, the more success I am having in enforcing and encouraging these rules. With that being said, visiting the science centers we have in the community sounds like a great deal more fun! Not only that, but with homeschooling, I can actually manage to do this on a regular basis, with the time and resources that being a full-time homeschooler has afforded me. 

Blasted Sick Days

Right now, 'A' is sick. His symptoms are relatively mild, however his autistic side flares up, and his manageability becomes something to be desired. I struggle to help him find appropriate ways to self-regulate but I think we will just have to wait and see. Since he is almost 5 years old, and on his best days very cooperative, understanding, and acquiring more adeptness in self-expression, I have decided to push it some more. We have noticed his seizures are less frequent when we give him the space to be at home, and some safe games to stim with that are slightly less destructive to the house. I struggle for me-time on these days, which are typically my brief breaks in between to maintain sanity.

Today it worked!! after a failed session with the respite worker, due to his hyperactive and ill-responsive behaviours.. he calmed down by lunch time and had a pretty decent afternoon, we found more middle-ground. My expectations of him in his calm periods have heightened to what he seems capable of. I do struggle to meet the demands of the services we are involved in right now, but am finding comfort in not being the only one.

Going back some time, I am bringing up the subject of my beloved new furniture. Thus far, not only have they survived many-a-day of roughhousing, spills, food, and whatnot; but they have also been re-organized to something more friendly. Each seat is labeled with the day of the week, and the contents are only one subject per day. This seems to be far less intimidating to the boys, and the process is simple. Part of our morning routine is to discover the day of the week, check out the contents of the corresponding seat, work on some problems and discover solutions to the activities available. We are also putting together a weather chart, something where we can discuss the weather each day, experience it, dress for it, and eventually track it.

I've had a rough go at it so far, but have discovered again, the intense need for self-care that I am seemingly responsible for as being a parent of autistic children, not to mention the amount of self-care as a home-schooling parent, and home-therapist. Blah!! So I will share my favourite things to do to unwind and force myself to feel like I deserve the me-time.

-- bubble baths. This one is sort of a simple thing, I have to clean the bathroom in order to feel comfortable enough to have a bubble bath of my own.. so I earned it a little bit ;)
-- working out. I was doing great at being active, my favourite ways to keep it up at home have been cycling, pilates, yoga, and dancing. I discovered some arthritic symptoms which do not excite me, but must find a way to overcome, as the latest interest I've discovered is belly dancing. The wonders you find in the discount bin in the electronics department.
-- video games. I do play. many different ones. very inconsistently.

New Math Supplies.

So the concept of one subject to focus on per day, combined with the idea of using the black seats to organize and store our school supplies has resulted in something that finally makes sense. each seat now has a label for the day of the week on the front, and the contents are available throughout the day for us to go through and 'play' with. Monday's math went very well. 

Camelot Jr. (found it at Toys R Us)

This game really got both of the boys a little crazy. building blocks, puzzles to solve; had me wishing I had bought two sets. However, what a great excuse and reason to open the doors to teamwork.

Math, sorting, skip counting, practicing counting to hundred.. a jar of popsicle sticks is a wonderful math tool it seems. hurray for abandoned craft supplies!

Our Monday bin also contains games such as barrel of monkeys, memory card game (pick any cartoon of your child's tastes, I am certain there is a version of it out there with those images on it), flash cards, a couple board games, some work books. only the number related stuff went in here! This was a no-brainer however, numbers are pretty concrete, something these boys like to explore learning materials of.

Homework

This is the plan I intend to keep with. It is very simple but puts most of the work on me. As it should be. I find that drills tend to be necessary to keep up skills and build strength in an area, however, I feel that with physical illness and distress my boys are not equipped to slide smoothly through those sorts of sessions without compromising their immediate well-being, or the work we are doing on self-regulation and self-awareness.

Monday - Math

Tuesday - Writing

Wednesday - Reading

Thursday - Science

Friday - Arts

On these days alone, will there be time spent on tangible demonstration of skill and practice. Until they are more comfortable with the idea, this is where we are starting. No more than an hour, but no less than half an hour. The focus is on a demonstration of knowledge and skill that requires fine motor and adult-supervision. So either on the ipad, with an app that will record results, on paper, or video.

Saturday and Sunday are family and friend days.

I've had plenty of opportunity to see which boy is comfortable with what form of learning and what communication styles they will use to express what they are learning. 'A' is actually the one more comfortable with developing his pre-writing abilities. He is also very hard to catch on camera. However 'D' is still quite seemingly traumatized by the mess that school has left on him, however really enjoys verbal learning and play-style learning. So I suppose, I've taken a step back in teaching approach for him, and a step ahead for his brother. I'm sure in time we will meet in the middle.

At this moment I have reverted back gradually into the preschool TEACCH strategies I am regaining comfort in, of course it was self-taught as well, and needing to be adapted to an older child. All of this makes for a new learning experience for myself as well. I am still unsure what exactly causes him to wish to demonstrate his skills, but as soon as I do any action that reminds him of school, I'm stopped in my tracks, he becomes very distressed.

'A' however, only went to school for a very brief time, and the effects have long gone. He is starting to use the doodle pad previously mentioned and likes using stickers! I have a few disney themed activity books like the ones his brother used to spend countless hours working on and then rearranging. I remember picking up every one there was except for princesses.

Some new toons

I wrote before and have mentioned frequently, that my boys love to watch cartoons. Sometimes its just as background noise, but anymore, its intentional. I put it on not so much as a distraction but an educational break. Let's pause for a minute and consider that a kiddie with autism spends their day frantically grasping at self-regulation, even without an adult's knowledge. Maintaining a grip on what is appropriate and what is not, maintaining the skills and training passed on by adults who are only concerned about their future. It's a tough job. So for a break, we explore academics and stories. During the week, we spend much of our daytime hours on academics, evenings and weekends we watch more fun movies. Here's some new little cartoons I've found to help ease some of our current daily stressors!

Disney Jr.s Doc McStuffins

I was a little bit surprised when I discovered this dvd on the shelf. Who'd have thunk they'd finally make a show about physical and emotional health, not to mention encouraging kids to see doctors! Well, had to grab it of course, particularly since we'll be having more frequent trips to the doctor very soon. We often do see pediatricians and the like, but frankly, now we are down to the sensitive matters. Issues that the boys are very sensitive about, and cause the greatest distress. This seemed like a great idea.

Sid the Science Kid

This show is great for so many reasons. If you haven't noticed its a small semi-child-led learning environment with a gentle sense of structure, and combines life skills with science. I have been finding it a great bridge between self-care, sensory issues, and myself. It is okay to be unsure, and sensitive to these things, it's common. I find so many self care and natural science issues with this show, its marvelous. I only choose one at a time. 'D' loves science in an academic sense, 'A' loves science in a hands-on and engineering sense. Although both love nature in every facet. 

Be careful of nicknaming your child after an animal :P

I have been keeping very busy. To be honest, I have been struggling so much, my kids are just not inclined to sit down and work on activity books. I have so many of them, I was hoping that we'd use them up! They are inclined however for the following activities: watching television, playing outside, playing on their ipads, toys, music, and family activities. Something they have been excelling at since being home and out of school for so long is oddly enough, life skills. Albeit, I have been accommodating to them as I get used to this homeschooling idea, and planning their educations. I have also been trying to pay more sensitivity to the natural illnesses that occur in them. Instead of regarding their issues as 'behaviours' I have been reshaping my thinking to perceive their behaviours as simply... undeveloped communication. It is the most basic form of communication out there, animals use it. We are born with some of those instincts, and in some people it develops into something rather sophisticated, and others they move onto verbal language. In my home I see both scenarios.

My little 'A' seems to think of himself as a monkey. He is such a remarkable little character. When he is sick, and feverish, he will strip off his clothes, jump around and run crazily around the house like some kind of monkey. He throws food, makes monkey sounds, the works.. Once I started to see this, I find it really strange how this occurs. When he is getting too warm, he starts communicating like Alex the lion from Madagascar.

So after hearing many suggestions from parents on myautismteam , I started designating time for playing animals, but this was not enough, so during normal play time I intensely reinforce 'boy' behaviours. Calm, gestural, and verbal communication, interacting with play and toys. His discomfort around being unable to communicate has dissipated a great deal. We even have a few new words, hurray!!

Towards Independence

Sometime last year, we designated the downstairs washroom (no tub, just toilet and sink) as toilet-training grounds. I've made some serious attempts at taking control of the situation, however neither of the boys were ready to take that leap and overcome some major anxieties, some of which I hadn't even thought to factor in to my plans. Again, and again, I am up against tears and screams of anxiety.

Maybe 9 months ago, I posted these laminated pages of a social story (created by the ABA consultant) along with some arranged images for reminders to the steps required to complete the task. 

behind the sink, wall-e needs to wash his hands. this is great regardless of the reason for the washroom visit!

 everything from sitting to pulling up pants. we have a small washroom, and its easy to read from anywhere.

of course, the door to the washroom reminds them before entering

Positive reinforcement for any form of independence, respecting privacy and desire for independence, sorting out sensory preferences, anxiety triggers, and personal quirks.. It has been a 3 year process, for 'D', a 2-year process for 'A'. However, they will have achieved it themselves, without constant trips to the toilet, on their terms, so that they can be more self-aware and less confined to a schedule.

Currently this is more for 'D', who's main obstacle is health issues. 'A' will be following a similar path, but will suit his busy lifestyle.

Health and Safety

When your child is diagnosed with autism, one of two things seems to happen. Either a) you find the appropriate treatments and resources and they get better, or b) you discover an underlying health issue that triggers the onset of increased anxiety outbursts, meltdowns, and overall autistic tendencies.

Lately, we've been experiencing a great deal of the latter. This redirects much of what I do with them to more sensory experiences, and anxiety management. I've been learning how to encourage a back and forth conversation in regards to feelings and anxieties they are experiencing at the time. This has had a huge impact on our day-to-day lives.

However, I cannot ignore the fact that we are experiencing two separate flare-ups at once, and I find most of my energy is spent in either assisting them through it, or coping with it myself. Fortunately for me, little 'A' is demonstrating to me his interest in peaceful discipline. I'm not sure how or why this came forward, but that is something I do understand and am working towards as well. Maybe if we grow in this together, we'll both benefit from it. 'D' on the other hand found a way to express his insecurities about his bedroom.. we have heard accounts of monsters, and bad guys. Not only this, but he started off by saying how it made him feel, and then what he believes it was caused by. Prior to this we'd only manage to get one or the other, if anything at all.

Toilet-Readiness:

Potty Time

Bear in the Big Blue House

I started the conversation about toilets, pullups, potties, and growing up when 'A' was around 2 years old. At that time what first transpired was a very messy, unpleasant, sensory discovery experience. It was everywhere. I'm glad he did not eat it. Another thing to note, is that he had further food allergies which were contributing to unhealthy and frequent diaper changes. This little guy decided he would investigate for himself.

We've come a long long way since then. Today it seems we are comfortable with peeing, it is a normal thing.. everybody does it. They learned the triggers, and why it happens. The act in itself has no anxiety attached to it anymore. Now we are onto number 2. A far more self-conscious bodily function. We always go back to Bear in the big blue house. Sesame street was not our thing. But every few months when tensions rise due to pullups, bathroom trips, or the need  to discuss.. I put this on again. It serves as a reminder that this process is okay, and that they themselves will accomplish it.